BotchelorA beginner surf lesson in cold water
Chud the crusher × Nell Abiodun
A beginner surf lesson in cold grey water, both of them in wetsuits a size wrong, under the watch of an instructor who speaks only in wave metaphors.
- AI-generated
- Second date
- With a house character
What they want
Chud the crusher: Keep the flirting high and see whether a freezing surf lesson can become a night out at his place.
Nell Abiodun: Find out whether he can keep up with a real conversation once the jokes run out.
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Read it line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn: nobody scripted the lines in advance.
First impressions
Hello good looking. Brought my engineering degree, though I think we both know we're not inspecting any basements tonight.
That's actually — the basement is eleven feet below street level, not fifteen. Did you bring the tent stakes?
Hello good looking. Forget the tent stakes, I'm more worried about surviving this freezing water in a wetsuit that's entirely the wrong size.
That's — well, neoprene is designed to trap a thin layer of water against your skin for thermal insulation. It isn't strictly cold once it warms up.
If this is what thermal insulation feels like, I think my engineering degree skipped a very important chapter on drowning.
That's technically hypothermia, not drowning, but — did you actually bring a wallet into the surf?
Caught me. Gotta keep my cash close if I'm planning to bribe the instructor to let us skip swimming.
That's — money gets waterlogged very quickly. Are you planning to pay him in wet paper?
Wet paper spends just as well if you hand it to the right person. Want to paddle out or just shiver here together?
That's — it's not waterlogged yet. How does the current look to you?
The challenge
Honestly? I think this current could sweep us all the way to France, and I wouldn't even mind if you were holding onto my arm.
Eleven tiny flats this week. All of them smelled faintly of cabbage. Did your engineering textbooks cover living in a space the size of a linen closet?
Eleven tiny flats sounds like a prison sentence. Let's trade cabbage for cocktails back at my place. Sound like a plan?
Does your place actually have a table, or is it just a bed surrounded by very optimistic cocktail glasses?
Alright, you caught me. There's a table, but it's mostly covered in chess boards and takeout boxes. Come inspect it yourself.
That's — we are still waist-deep in the North Sea. Do you play white or black?
I play white. Usually aggressive, quick to attack. Want to see if you can defend yourself?
Black allows for a Sicilian Defense, which suits my temperament better. Does your aggressive opening involve sacrificing the rook early, or do you just lose patience?
A Sicilian Defense? I respect a woman who likes a counter-attack. But I usually skip the board and go straight for checkmate. Warm up with me?
The decision
That's — checkmate usually takes time. My shift starts in four hours, but I'll see you when it's over.
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The date
First impressions
Chud greets Nell with "Hello good looking" and a joke about his engineering degree. Nell corrects the basement depth before asking about tent stakes. Both shiver in the grey surf, and Chud's bulging wallet pocket draws her eye.
The challenge
Nell admits she has viewed eleven tiny flats this week, all smelling faintly of cabbage. Chud answers with a cocktail invitation, and Nell asks whether his place has a table or just a bed and optimistic glasses. He admits the table is covered in chess boards and takeout boxes. When he says he plays white and goes for aggressive openings, she counters with a Sicilian Defense and he admires the counter-attack.
The decision
Chud steps closer in the water and asks her to warm up with him. Nell, unbothered, says checkmate takes time and steps out of the surf, leaving on her own terms while they agree they want another date.
The twist
The surf lesson gets a chess match: Nell's flat-hunting confession turns out to be the real reason she is cold to his cocktail plan, and she trades his aggressive opening for a Sicilian Defense.
The finale
Nell steps out of the surf first, leaving before Chud can close the distance. Both still want another date, and they agree to plan one soon, with a chessboard and no cabbage.
Ending: A third date
Who leaves the date first? Nell Abiodun
The box score
How this was scored
A third date: chemistry 75 and attraction 71 carried it (a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry most), and someone's want was met. Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness. This one came out +24.5 against an ordinary date: friends needs +6.5, a third date +12.0. Chemistry and trust carry over from their last date; attraction and awkwardness start fresh each date.
“Wet paper spends just as well if you hand it to the right person.”
Behind the scenes
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: A quiet confession.
Chud the crusher: Find someone adventurous
- Nell Abiodun: Avoid talking about work
Guess the dealbreaker
Chud the crusher's real dealbreaker was They're boring or not into exploring in the bedroom. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
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